( he has a picture of it now, and it intersects in several places with his understanding of the Fears. but john knows better than most that it's a mistake to think of them as wholly separate entities — it is more accurate to think of them as different facets cut from the same gem, each reflecting a slightly different archetypal understanding of terror. the Hunt, whose psychological Mark is something that still haunts him now in the echoed memory of perfect helplessness he had felt when daisy tonner had taken him out in the woods to execute him, single-minded in its fixation on the satisfaction of the pursuit. the Slaughter, which is Marked on him as a small, nasty scar on his shoulder left by a scalpel, representative of wild and senseless violence. in dimitri and the experiences that he recounts to john now, they exist in a tangle, each feeding into the other.
the fear there is genuine, and it presents a unique enough picture of such an interaction. with these fears written with their reverberations onto john, the Eye can feed, and they are both sated.
though even if that psychological pressure lifts from his mind and his vision "clears" (so to speak), it brings him little happiness in this moment. he can sense the pain, fear, and reproach seething within the young man because they're reflected back onto him, temporarily linked as they are. he wishes he can offer some sort of help, but... that's not what he's intended to do. the Archivist is not meant to help those with their fears, but rather to help himself to them.
he is no more able to help dimitri than he had been able to help daisy. yes, he had pulled her out of the Buried, and they had starved themselves of fear together as avatars of the Eye and the Hunt both, but it was a useless defiance. john had eventually served his purpose to jonah magnus and the Eye, and daisy... what was it she had said? "can't outrun it forever." she had used it to allow them time to escape, but she had still given herself back to the Hunt all the same.
leaving basira behind with the promise to deliver her judgment later. for a moment john's throat constricts, and then he speaks. )
When you feel as though you can't trust yourself to make the decisions you should make... you have to entrust it to those you have faith in. You equip them with what they need in order to handle you in that eventuality.
( it sounds very much like he speaks from experience. )
no subject
the fear there is genuine, and it presents a unique enough picture of such an interaction. with these fears written with their reverberations onto john, the Eye can feed, and they are both sated.
though even if that psychological pressure lifts from his mind and his vision "clears" (so to speak), it brings him little happiness in this moment. he can sense the pain, fear, and reproach seething within the young man because they're reflected back onto him, temporarily linked as they are. he wishes he can offer some sort of help, but... that's not what he's intended to do. the Archivist is not meant to help those with their fears, but rather to help himself to them.
he is no more able to help dimitri than he had been able to help daisy. yes, he had pulled her out of the Buried, and they had starved themselves of fear together as avatars of the Eye and the Hunt both, but it was a useless defiance. john had eventually served his purpose to jonah magnus and the Eye, and daisy... what was it she had said? "can't outrun it forever." she had used it to allow them time to escape, but she had still given herself back to the Hunt all the same.
leaving basira behind with the promise to deliver her judgment later. for a moment john's throat constricts, and then he speaks. )
When you feel as though you can't trust yourself to make the decisions you should make... you have to entrust it to those you have faith in. You equip them with what they need in order to handle you in that eventuality.
( it sounds very much like he speaks from experience. )